The Old Tavern
D. Thomas Matz
“I’m stuck in a rut,” I would say to anyone who would listen without returning some self-indulgent philosophical babble I had no need to hear. I can do this myself, I often thought. I can change my own life, after all, I haven’t had a drink in over a year. This was accomplished without anyone’s help. I quit drinking and that’s that.
My family tries their hardest to explain why I should be attending support groups or church. They say I need friends to help me through all of this. They say that failure hangs over me like a dark cloud. Without support, they insist, failure is inevitable. What kind of support is this? I wonder.
My old friends are no longer friends because of the simple fact that they don’t understand my need to be sober. Their idea of a good time is exactly what mine had been: getting drunk, causing trouble, and getting laid. I’m better than that. I have a future, and with some time to get my life straight, I will prove this to everyone.
Sure, maybe I need new friends, but these friends won’t be found at any AA meeting or church group. In my own time I will find my own friends. I simply need time to adjust. Time to reevaluate my life and surroundings. I mean, who wants to admit failure and weakness? Who wants to admit they need help? Well… maybe lots of people, but I’m not one of them. I’m strong and independent. Time and patience is all I need. Why can’t anyone understand this?
One day, I believe it was a Saturday – or was it Sunday? – it doesn’t matter. Whatever day it was, I was watching TV. It was early in the morning, so early the sun hadn’t yet risen. The TV was showing only infomercials and this one advertisement came on for some ridiculous exercise product that looked like a baton. It occurred to me, as I watched, how simple people are and how well this man on the TV explained that this product was absolutely necessary for a proper workout. The product, to me, seemed absolutely worthless. But the man who created it would get rich off of it anyway. His wealth would be made off the ignorance and low self-worth of well-meaning people. It didn’t occur to me at the time how much effort and time was invested in getting such a product on the market; I saw only how easy it was to make money. It seemed as though anyone could just change their life and be a success. So I did just that; I picked myself up and began to change my life.
It took only an hour to pack the car and eat a quick and simple breakfast. Then I was on the road. I drove down the two-lane highway headed west. I was searching for something new. New friends, new surroundings, a new beginning. Somewhere out there in the distance was the solitude I was needing to make my future into what I knew it could be.
Read the rest of this short story by D. Thomas Matz...
“I’m stuck in a rut,” I would say to anyone who would listen without returning some self-indulgent philosophical babble I had no need to hear. I can do this myself, I often thought. I can change my own life, after all, I haven’t had a drink in over a year. This was accomplished without anyone’s help. I quit drinking and that’s that.
My family tries their hardest to explain why I should be attending support groups or church. They say I need friends to help me through all of this. They say that failure hangs over me like a dark cloud. Without support, they insist, failure is inevitable. What kind of support is this? I wonder.
My old friends are no longer friends because of the simple fact that they don’t understand my need to be sober. Their idea of a good time is exactly what mine had been: getting drunk, causing trouble, and getting laid. I’m better than that. I have a future, and with some time to get my life straight, I will prove this to everyone.
Sure, maybe I need new friends, but these friends won’t be found at any AA meeting or church group. In my own time I will find my own friends. I simply need time to adjust. Time to reevaluate my life and surroundings. I mean, who wants to admit failure and weakness? Who wants to admit they need help? Well… maybe lots of people, but I’m not one of them. I’m strong and independent. Time and patience is all I need. Why can’t anyone understand this?
One day, I believe it was a Saturday – or was it Sunday? – it doesn’t matter. Whatever day it was, I was watching TV. It was early in the morning, so early the sun hadn’t yet risen. The TV was showing only infomercials and this one advertisement came on for some ridiculous exercise product that looked like a baton. It occurred to me, as I watched, how simple people are and how well this man on the TV explained that this product was absolutely necessary for a proper workout. The product, to me, seemed absolutely worthless. But the man who created it would get rich off of it anyway. His wealth would be made off the ignorance and low self-worth of well-meaning people. It didn’t occur to me at the time how much effort and time was invested in getting such a product on the market; I saw only how easy it was to make money. It seemed as though anyone could just change their life and be a success. So I did just that; I picked myself up and began to change my life.
It took only an hour to pack the car and eat a quick and simple breakfast. Then I was on the road. I drove down the two-lane highway headed west. I was searching for something new. New friends, new surroundings, a new beginning. Somewhere out there in the distance was the solitude I was needing to make my future into what I knew it could be.
Read the rest of this short story by D. Thomas Matz...
# posted
by Rob Colfax, Senior Editor @ 2/19/2009 04:30:00 PM
