12 Reasons Why Your Book Isn’t Finished Yet

Oscar Wilde

Photograph of Oscar Wilde from Public Domain.

by Johanna Rigby

 

“This morning I took out a comma, and this afternoon I put it back again.” – Oscar Wilde

key1Your family members who think that “working at home” is a code phrase for “available to run errands.”


 

key2The couple in the apartment above you, who seem to rearrange their furniture, have wild sex, and throw dishes at each other every time you sit down at your keyboard.


key3The dog, who thinks that your ankles are chew-toys.


key4The librarian who calls to inquire about the book on pelicans you checked out two months ago when you were researching the beach novel you were thinking of writing before you remembered that you hate beach novels.


 

key5The cat, who thinks that your keyboard belongs to him. (Your chair is also his personal property, but he’s willing to let that slide while he prances around the Ctrl, A, and Delete keys.)

key6Cable TV. Even worse, high-speed Internet (which you got so that you could research online more effectively, even though you’re mainly using it to stream movies to make sure your book’s plot doesn’t have the similarities you’re concerned it might).


 

key7Should you use a colon or a semi-colon in this instance? Better research that.


 

key8Oh, the scads of friends you have (now that you’re trying to work on your book) that you didn’t have last week (during the time you’d purposely set aside for lounging about and doing nothing), all of whom have interesting things happening that they desperately need to discuss with you.


 

key9Twitter. You intended to cultivate a “social media presence,” but now you’re addicted to hashtag games, and these people are so much funnier and more interesting than your so-called “real life” friends.

 

key10The neighborhood grill that doesn’t deliver. In theory, it’s faster to call ahead and have your lunch ready to pick up. In practice, you end up eating there, having a beer, and watching your team lose on the big-screen TV, which means you need another beer or five.


 

key11Your grandmother is in a flame war on Facebook. You didn’t even know she was on Facebook, but apparently she’s now picking fights with other septagenarians and wants to use you as a reference (“since you’re a writer”), even though you know nothing about growing African violets.


 

key12The neighborhood liquor store, which does deliver. Rum. Yum. Ruuuuummmmmm.


 

 

© Copyright 2015 by Johanna Rigby.

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