Not Coming to TV This Fall
by Johanna Rigby
Maybe it’s a movie which was originally a short story that someone’s now decided would make a great TV series (Minority Report). Maybe it’s yet another medical drama (Code Black) or cop show (fill in your choice) – goodness knows we don’t have nearly enough of those. I consulted with a couple of TV experts (OK, I asked Doc Nicholas and my dog Kip) about what they’d like to see on TV this fall.
America’s Next Obscure Writer
(Competition) Follow a dozen writers no one’s ever heard of as they scramble to come up with stories, gnash their teeth over rewrites and formatting, submit their work, and get judged on the whim of someone who has absolutely no credentials other than having once seen a movie that might have been based on a book. Watch the agonizing nail-biting and chain-smoking as they suffer through weekly elimination rounds! Cheer as your favorites get work accepted to magazines no one but English majors have ever heard of!
Possible spinoff: revisiting the rejected writers next season after they’ve had time to become firmly entrenched in alcoholism and soul-crushing day jobs.
(Medical Drama) See Spot. See Spot run along inside his fence, chasing cars and barking his silly head off. See Spot leap the 10-foot-high fence and catch a Prius! Who knew Pomeranians could jump so high? See the conscientious Prius driver search in vain for Spot’s caretaker, who’s stuck at work. See Prius driver rush Spot to the nearest emergency vet. Blood and gore abound, but Spot will be OK! See Spot prance around happily in his new satellite-dish headgear. See the Prius driver faint upon seeing Spot’s vet bill.
(Documentary) Swans mate for life – or do they? Watch the weekly adventures of four swan couples as they raise their young, forage for food, and try to sort out what the heck those bands are on their legs. Sylvia thinks they were born with them, but Sam is sure they were put there as tracking devices by the humanoid creatures who tranquilized them as they slept one night. Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty of gratuitous sex and violence as Sara and Su-Su lounge naked in the grass with glistening feathers after swimming, while Steve and Sven have a water battle royale over who has the longest neck. Big honkin’ fun for the whole family!
Watch Your Language!
(Game Show) It’s teens against parents in this game show about words! ROFL at the stumped parents as they try to use words like “bae” and “shade” in a sentence. Laugh at the youngsters as they wonder WTF a “gal” is or how you “high-hat” someone. It’s fun and educational!
(Reality) It’s like your local library or neighborhood book club, except they talk about interesting books they’ve actually read instead of drinking wine and pretending to have opinions to impress the others.
D.C. After Dark
(Comedy-Drama) There’s a bar in The District where everyone knows your name, and they’ll gladly sell it to the media along with photos of you passed out on your bar stool after a hard day of filibustering! Every week is chock-a-docket full of spilled secrets, congressional capers, and boozy barristers.
Ten Is Enough
(Comedy) When Don Dale, his husband Tim, and their housekeeper Amanda decided to rescue four kittens, two dogs, and one jolly pot-bellied pig from a neighbor who was being evicted, they had no idea what they were getting into, but now they couldn’t imagine life without their wonderfully quirky family. Hairy hijinks abound!
Are You Smarter Than a Supreme Court Justice?
(Game Show) Contestants answer questions about the law, using the assistance of their friends on whatever social media forum they choose. Winner gets to explain (to a panel of law professors and actual attorneys) their theory of why the Supreme Court was wrong about something. If voted down, the contestant is banned from spouting uninformed opinions on social media ever again.
(Reality) Follow temps wired for sound and video as they go to work for major companies, exposing ethical violations, harassment incidents, illegal activities, and office pranks. What women’s magazine is actually run by a fourteen-year-old boy? Which weight-loss supplement manufacturer has birthday parties with chocolate cupcakes every afternoon? You’ll be shocked to see which high-end design firm actually works in a building with no electrical lighting!
(Action) Each week brings a new case to political consultant Rick Dixon, who knows that everyone makes mistakes and everyone lies; it’s just a matter of figuring out which lies are the least damaging and how to leverage the lies of your enemies. The season kicks off with a gripping 2-hour pilot about a fast-food magnate considering running for the Senate. It’s a white-knuckle episode as Rick Dixon uncovers who’s been stretching the truth about this weiner-meister!
© Copyright 2015 by Johanna Rigby.
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That Awkward Ride Home
by Erin Abernethy
His profile was fine,
his interests being books
(both writing and reading them),
cats, and photography.
His personal ad was
free of unnecessary abbreviations;
he looked just like his photo,
smelled nice, had no obvious
At our second meeting
he sheepishly admitted to
a few harmless kinks;
no problem, I said –
I’ve a few deviations myself
(some that might make his
thinning hair stand on end).
on our third date,
he asked me to
wear cat ears
and fuzzy tail
“I can haz hot dog?”
in his ear…
I did not LOL.
© Copyright 2015 by Erin Abernethy.
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This Week at Gatewood: July 19–25, 2015
by Frasier MacKenzie
Hello, and thanks for stopping in!
Here are our features for the week of July 19–25:
Thursday: “Aspie Boy,” short story by Phil Mayhew
Remember, the Friday photo can be downloaded for free as a meditation card for your phone, tablet or computer. Share, print, ponder… enjoy!
Our Special Assistant brought us some fun this week:
Be sure to follow @docnicholas on Twitter for daily updates on Journal posts as well as all sorts of humor, animal pics and rescues, and other tidbits of interest.
You can also subscribe to Gatewood Journal and receive a monthly newsletter with all our features for the month. Like a weekly wrap-up, only monthly, because we don’t want to overload your e-mail box. Like a magazine, only digital, because we love trees.
That’s it for the Gatewood Weekend Wrap-Up for the week of July 19–25, 2015. Enjoy your weekend, and visit us again soon!
Photo via MorgueFile.
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