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Maintenance
Dude's Next Visit
Erin Abernethy A list of things I need to tell the maintenance guy the next time he has to come here to fix something: 1. That look I gave you the first time you were here? It was not a look of smoldering desire. It was my "Do you have ANY idea what you're doing?" look. 2. I wasn't lingering to watch you work because I like the scenery. I was hanging around to see if you were going to read the instructions this time. I learned from my experience last summer when you installed my window-unit air conditioner upside-down. 3. Your demonstration of your ability to juggle rolls of duct tape was not all that impressive. 4. That time you were working on the bathroom plumbing and you bumped against the sink, causing my dental floss to fall into that gap between your pants and the crack of your butt… I really didn't expect (or want) you to retrieve the floss and give it back. 5. No one believes that story about how you worked as an electrician on the set of Rain Man and met Tom Cruise. Even if it might be true, it still doesn't make anyone think of you when they hear his name. (I do think of you whenever I hear the phrase "K-mart underwear," however.) 6. I appreciated the fact that you fixed the washing machine. I did not appreciate the fact that (since I wasn't home) you went ahead and loaded my laundry into it. I would appreciate an explanation for why a pair of my underwear was missing when I put the wet clothes into the dryer. 7. That is a pipe wrench in your pocket, and it's not fooling anyone. I don't care how glad you are to see me. © Copyright 2003-2007 by Erin Abernethy |