This Week at Gatewood: June 14-20

coil-710611_1280

Photo via Pixabay.

by Frasier MacKenzie

Hello, and thanks for stopping in! We’ve been doing some tweaks on our site this week, mainly in the Archives section. Everything from that page has now been moved to its home in the appropriate category, and the Archives option has been dropped from the menu. We hope this will make browsing easier and result in fewer Error 404 occurrences, as all pages and posts are now in the new format. If you have trouble finding anything, please do notify us (tweet to our Special Assistant Dr Nicholas, or email me at info (at) gatewoodjournal.org) and we’ll get it sorted.

Also, we’ve made the font size slightly bigger for improved readability. Working with Rowan’s “Alzheimer’s Suite” material this week has made us realize that none of us are getting any younger, and being able to read the Journal more easily without squinting would be good.

Here are our features for the week of June 14-20:

Monday:Electric Spiral,” artwork by Xavier

Tuesday:Alzheimer’s Suite,” poetry by Rowan McConnell

Wednesday:Zen and the Art of Mousing,” humor from Steven Valentine & Patrick Redding

Friday:Eccentricities,” photography by P.L. Miller and quote from David Ogilvy

Remember, the Friday photo can be downloaded for free as a meditation card for your phone, tablet or computer. Share, print, ponder… enjoy!

Be sure to follow our Special Assistant @docnicholas on Twitter for daily updates on Journal posts as well as humor, art and writing tidbits, and other items of interest. Dr Nicholas has asked me to mention that he’s going to try posting Journal links a bit more often. He didn’t want to annoy people by posting the same links incessantly, but since he now has followers in every time zone from U.S. Pacific Time to New Zealand Standard Time and most points in between, I think it’s reasonable to assume that most of his followers aren’t online at the same time and many probably don’t go back to catch up on tweets that are hours old. If I’m wrong about this and it becomes bothersome, let him know and he can have the pleasure of telling me, “I informed you thusly.”

That’s it for the Gatewood Weekend Wrap-Up for the week of June 14-20. Enjoy your weekend, and visit us again soon!

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Electric Spiral

Electric Spiral by Xavier

Artwork © Copyright 1998 by Xavier.

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This Week at Gatewood: March 15-21, 2015

hyacinth-620389_1280

Photo via Pixabay.

by Frasier MacKenzie

Hello, and thanks for stopping in! Here are our features for the week of March 15-21:

Monday:Lollipillar,” photography by NEZ

Tuesday:Vessels,” poetry by Xavier

Wednesday:Art and Suffering,” essay by Rob Colfax

Friday:Emptiness,” photography by P.L. Miller and quote from Lao Tzu

Remember, the Friday photo can be downloaded for free as a meditation card for your phone, tablet or computer. Share, print, ponder… enjoy!

Special Assistant Doc Nicholas brought us some chuckles this week:

Follow @docnicholas on Twitter for daily updates on Journal posts as well as cat shenanigans and other tidbits of interest.

That’s it for our Gatewood Weekend Wrap-Up. Enjoy your weekend, and check in to visit us again soon!

 

 

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Vessels

vessels by zengael

by Xavier

Men, women… people

are like mountains

painted black over

the bright sunsets

that bring cool

autumn nights

Strong, sturdy and

lustfully beautiful

vessels, with a soul

that can match.

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This Week at Gatewood: Weekend Wrap-Up for March 2-7

polar bears

Photo via Pixabay.com.

by Rob Colfax

Hello, and welcome to the weekend! It’s been a crazy weather week here; we’ve had temperatures in the mid-60s, resulting in a lot of snow-melt and flooding, and acres of slush and mud – and temperatures in the low teens, which froze everything solid again.

It’s enough to make a person decide to roll over and hibernate a bit longer. But as Mazie reminds me (several times a day!) there are dogs to be walked and mail to be sorted, and writers to be edited and fed and watered – wait, what?!

I’ll go sort this. Make yourself comfortable, browse around, and see what we did this week.

Monday:Ballet of the Trees,” photography from Katz Bleu

Tuesday:Revolutions,” poetry from Faze with artwork by Delawer-Omar

Wednesday:Opportunity Knocks!“, humor from Hunter MacKenzie, Xavier, and “Queen Z”

Thursday:Three Things Thursday,” our weekly exercise in appreciation; this week’s post is from Frasier MacKenzie

Friday:Landscapes of Consciousness,” photography by P.L. Miller with quote from Terence McKenna

Don’t forget, the Friday photo is a free download for your phone or tablet; share it, print it, ponder and enjoy.

Our best Special Assistant @docnicholas brought us some fun this week:

 

Be sure to follow him on Twitter to catch the latest updates. And speaking of Twitter, we managed to give his profile page there a bit of renovation this week. Drop by and check it out.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, and thanks for spending time with us. See you again soon!

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Opportunity Knocks!

door knocker

Photo courtesy of MorgueFile.com.

by Hunter MacKenzie, Xavier, and “Queen Z”

It’s early Saturday morning. You hear a knock at the door and take a peek outside before opening it. Oh, look: a couple of people all dressed up. Is that a handful of religious literature? There are a lot of different styles among church canvassers, so you don’t know right away whether the ones on your porch right now are the type who can respect your own beliefs (or lack thereof) – or whether they’re the evangelical guerilla variety: the kind who won’t leave until they’ve argued with you over every point of biblical trivia, condemned you to eternal damnation if you don’t hand over a donation, or badgered you to attend services until you’re ready to bludgeon yourself to death with a copy of the Watchtower just to make the insanity stop.

When they’re on your doorstep uninvited, they’re fair game to play with. Following is a collection of some of our favorite ways to deal with it. (Keep in mind that this is presented in the spirit of good humor. We’re not going to be held responsible if you think something you read here is a grand idea and somehow get yourself incarcerated, sued, or cast into a fiery pit of hell as a result.)

Open the door with a look of relief. Call back over your shoulder, “Honey, round up the kids – the exorcist is here!”

Quiz them on biblical trivia, such as whether it was salt water or fresh water that Jesus walked on. Ask how all the fish died in the Great Flood, and whether that was before or after the dinosaurs.

Open the door and glance around to make sure the neighbors aren’t watching. Say, “OK, hurry up, get inside. I’ll pay you for the full hour, but you’ve got to be out of here before Mother gets home!”

Tell them you support their cause and would like to make a donation. Ask how much you’d need to give in order to have just a fair-to-middling house in Heaven – not on one of the gold-paved streets or anything, just upwind from Hell so that you don’t get that charred smell soaking into the furniture.

Open the door excitedly. Say, “Oh, good! We were really in desperate need of a couple of human sacrifices for services tonight – and here you are!”

Ask if they have an express lane drive-thru window at their church. Explain that you’re very busy and just don’t have time to sit around for hours every week waiting to get saved. If they indicate that they don’t have a drive-thru, ask if they have an app for your phone.

Yell through the door, “I’ve had just about enough of you FBI guys wanting to ‘investigate’ the porn on my computer!”

Let them know that if you have to be “washed in the blood of the Lamb,” you’re going to expect someone to pay for your dry-cleaning.

Inquire about their communion services. Express regret that you cannot attend because you’re a recovering alcoholic. (This only works if they actually have wine at their communion services. Many churches use grape juice as a substitute, which will allow you to annoy them by taking a purist stance; it states very plainly in the bible that Jesus turned water into wine, not Welch’s grape drink.)

Open the door and yell over your shoulder, “Throw another rattlesnake in the oven and set an extra plate, honey, we’ve got company!”

Listen with evident concern for a few seconds, then politely interrupt and inquire as to whether they’re satisfied with their present level of life insurance coverage.

If you’ve just gotten out of bed, muss up your hair some more and put on your most haggard face before you open the door. Say, “Oh, you’re here about the weasels! I finally got all six of them corralled in the bathroom, but good luck getting the little buggers into pet taxis!”

After listening politely for a bit, say, “I’m confused… are you talking about Zeus or Odin or Allah or who? It’s so unclear when you just keep saying God this and God that. Could you be more specific?”

Ask them if they know any good spells for protection against vampires or werewolves.

Don’t open the door. Just yell, “Hey, I’m clean, I don’t deal with that stuff anymore! Go push your evil, mind-rotting drugs on somebody else!”

Fling open the door and charge right out at them. Say, “Do you know that the Anti-Christ is in the Kremlin? What are you doing about that?! The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are coming and you’re trotting around in your nice little suits ringing doorbells?!

Open the door, jump up and down, and scream, “I knew it – you’re the Prize Patrol, aren’t you?! How much did I win???”

 

 

© 1999 by Hunter MacKenzie, Xavier & “Queen Z.” Updated and republished 2015.

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Onyx

Amber by K.C. Collins

by Xavier

Not even the night’s blackened sky
can lend comfort to these weary eyes.
There are but two stars to be seen.
The clouds cover the rest in the same way
they cover the faces of my nightly journeys
to those dark places of my mind…
The place where I can
no longer see my friends and lovers…
The place where blackened, ink-covered portraits of me
are hidden from my sight by the darkness around me
The place where my voice could be heard
by me and everyone else
but now can only be heard by the darkness
and the clouds and the silence…
The place where I could throw my arms around my love
and hold them close until morning came
and stole my unwilling heart away from them,
only to return it again the next night…
The place where home was who you kissed,
food was the sweet nectar of your
best friend’s cologne,
and love was the death of a thousand pink angels
and their resurrection
in your unworthy bosom…
The place where union has a meaning far beyond
the comprehension
of this weak and frail mind…
The place where barriers seeming impossible
to overcome by consciousness
are cut into a thousand pieces
by the single stroke of a dagger
placed in my hateful limb by my lord and my love…
The place where complete, untainted, wonderful death
is as sweet as love
and as frequent as common time…
The place where my life could be
an after-school special on a local TV station
or the topic of a Sunday school teacher’s
naked masturbation prayer to God,
or the tale told by hundreds of little old ladies
to the grandchildren of not more than five years old,
or the sermon that the
“not quite right” Catholic priest always tells,
or even a Disney’s animated movie of the summer…
The place where everything was attainable
and still is, to some…but not I.
My mind misleads my heart.
And my heart, confused and weak,
knows not how to survive
without the addiction
of that horrible drug known as “brain”
it has become accustomed to.
So until a better way is found to cope
with this addiction
or I find the common time to die
at least one more time and wean myself off
this attractive narcotic,
I guess there will just be the darkness,
the clouds,
and the silence.

© Copyright 1998 by Xavier. Republished 2005, 2011, 2014.

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