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Onyx
Xavier Not even the night's blackened sky can lend comfort to these weary eyes. There are but two stars to be seen. The clouds cover the rest in the same way they cover the faces of my nightly journeys to those dark places of my mind... The place where I can no longer see my friends and lovers... The place where blackened, ink-covered portraits of me are hidden from my sight by the darkness around me The place where my voice could be heard by me and everyone else but now can only be heard by the darkness and the clouds and the silence... The place where I could throw my arms around my love and hold them close until morning came and stole my unwilling heart away from them, only to return it again the next night... The place where home was who you kissed, food was the sweet nectar of your best friend's cologne, and love was the death of a thousand pink angels and their resurrection in your unworthy bosom... The place where union has a meaning far beyond the comprehension of this weak and frail mind... The place where barriers seeming impossible to overcome by consciousness are cut into a thousand pieces by the single stroke of a dagger placed in my hateful limb by my lord and my love... The place where complete, untainted, wonderful death is as sweet as love and as frequent as common time... The place where my life could be an after-school special on a local TV station or the topic of a Sunday school teacher's naked masturbation prayer to God, or the tale told by hundreds of little old ladies to the grandchildren of not more than five years old, or the sermon that the "not quite right" Catholic priest always tells, or even a Disney's animated movie of the summer... The place where everything was attainable and still is, to some...but not I. My mind misleads my heart. And my heart, confused and weak, knows not how to survive without the addiction of that horrible drug known as "brain" it has become accustomed to. So until a better way is found to cope with this addiction or I find the common time to die at least one more time and wean myself off this attractive narcotic, I guess there will just be the darkness, the clouds, and the silence. © Copyright 1998, 2005 by Xavier |